Hi everyone,
We’re well into October and I realized the other day that I’ve been chasing publishing goals for most of the year.
I landed two agents. I went on submission with two books. I’m just about ready to relaunch my Freelance Writer Guides series of indie books. And even though you would not have noticed it from the outside looking in, I scrapped a lot of my business and built it back again, this time with a different focus.
I also had a lot of personal shit going on this year and decided that it would be good for our family’s mental and emotional well-being if we spent the summer working less and spending (a lot more) time together.
But something else popped up for me and while I worry about how it will be perceived, I don’t usually hold back, so here it is.
A mentor asked me a question last month that made me not just pause, but stop entirely. If it was all a given, she asked, the success, the readership, the awards, the bestseller lists, then how would you do this? Would you still approach the writing and the publishing of your books in the same way you are now?
The question caught me off-guard and also made me face truths that I’d been avoiding.
Because yes, I’d write the same way. I’d write the same books, work with the same editors, and write about the same subjects.
But the publishing?
I’m not sure.
I’m not chasing traditional publishing because I love it.
I’m chasing it because I have a fear that if I go indie with my novels, I will miss out on the awards, the bestseller lists, and the opportunities that come with this (let’s face it) outdated model.
It is difficult to admit this, but when it comes to personality and business mindset, I am very much suited to being an indie author and I have always known this.
But when it comes to my fiction, I receive notes all the time telling me I should be aiming higher and bigger. Look at this rejection from a small press that my agent forwarded to me for my novel:
“I have to pass on [NAME OF NOVEL]. I am sorry about this one—it’s epic and timely and Natasha can really, really write… It felt, to me, like a big house book.”
If I go indie, will I be denying myself the opportunity to play in the big leagues, where my mentors and agents believe I should be?
Still, traditional publishing has not been a fun experience so far and one day, when it’s past and not present tense, I will share specific examples of the racism, classism, and othering that exists in an industry that likes to think of itself as liberal and inclusive.
The question that is coming up for me repeatedly is: By chasing traditional, am I denying who I am and what I’m naturally suited for?
Am I trying to fit into shitty little boxes so that a bunch of white people who have no experience of the life I’ve lived and the world I experience can reject my work on the basis that my protagonists don’t match up with their clichéd ideas of what Indian women should be?
And at what emotional cost?
I haven’t written much fiction this year and that, to me, is the worst part of all of this. Chasing the traditional publishing model is taking me away from what I love doing and that’s a big price to pay.
If a publishing model takes me away from the very foundation of my career and business, then something is broken and it is my responsibility to look at, and fix, it.
I don’t have the answers yet.
Just a whole bunch of questions.
And I want to share with you honestly because so few people do.
I can see the advantages and disadvantages of both indie and traditional publishing. I have never been someone who picks one side and demonizes the other.
Which has made it tricky.
So, for now, I’ve decided to leave things be until the end of the year. Instead, for the next three months, I’m taking the focus off publishing and getting back to the writing. By the end of the year, I will have more concrete information on what’s happening with the traditional side of things and more concrete data on the relaunch of my indie books, and this will allow me to take factual, and not emotional, decisions.
In the meantime, I’m back to editing and writing new fiction. I’m working on a short story, editing my next novel, and working on a new book proposal. No matter how I choose to publish, the focus has to be on the writing. And getting more books written.
So that’s what I’ll be doing.
Cheers,
Natasha