Happy New Year, everyone!
At the beginning of the year, I like to set an intention, a word that will act as the guidepost for the rest of the year.
This year’s word was easy to come up with. For 2021, my word is Pleasure.
I was thinking of a particular time in my twenties, the year I met Sam. Like most people, I spent most of my life being taught the “proper” way of doing things. That year, I’d opted out of other people’s rules and started thinking of all the things that brought me joy and pleasure. One of the things I did most often then is that every time I went to a restaurant, I’d order dessert before I ordered the meal. This, for some reason I still cannot understand, upset many people. I’d get horrified protests of “you can’t do that” to which I’d say, “Of course I can. Watch.”
Sam, a rule-breaker after my own heart, never once questioned the strange way in which I did things and often, played along. In the early days of our courtship, I was working and living in the Himalayas, and he’d fly up from Delhi every weekend to come stay with me. In the morning, before I’d woken up, he’d go down to the hotel restaurant and in addition to a large pot of tea, bring up two slices of carrot cake, which we’d sit in bed and eat as our breakfast.
I remember those moments of my life being pure pleasure. There were no rules, no expectations, no proper way of doing things. It was just me, with someone I was falling in love with, doing whatever I wanted to do.
I still eat cake, of course, and quite a fair bit of it, but I have begun to realize that a lot of what I call pleasure in my life these days is actually pain relief. I will shove down a slice of cake at midnight after a long stressful day as a way to make myself feel better. It’s not about enjoying the cake as much as it is about dulling down the bad feelings.
This is an easy trap to fall into, especially as we get older and have more responsibilities and stresses in our day, and of course, given the year that we’ve had, pleasure seems to be a far cry from what many of us are experiencing on a day-to-day basis. Once, I used to enjoy binge-watching TV shows because it was fun. Now, I know I need to do it when I’ve fallen into a depressive state and need something to pull me out of it. I do it after a long day when I need something mindless and entertaining that won’t require me to think.
It’s not pleasure, it’s pain relief. I do it only when it serves a purpose.
While that’s great– pain relief and self-care are important, too– I realize that almost nothing in my life is ever done for the sheer joy of doing it, with no payoff attached.
I’m sure many of you can relate.
This year, I don’t want to wait until I need to do my favorite activities, when I’m in a desperate need of a break. I want to do them for the sole reason that I enjoy doing them.
I want to do things for pleasure.
So that’s my word for the year, my guidepost to help me navigate through decisions.
Do you set a word or a theme for a year?
I’d love to hear about it if you do!
Cheers,
Natasha