I don’t talk about rejection on this blog a lot, because I suppose it just doesn’t affect me as much. The way I see it, it’s all part of the business, and to be honest, the only reason I’m even in this business is because I failed in a massive and public way at something else.
I thought I was going to be an engineer, and when that didn’t work out, becoming a writer was pretty much the only way out of my predicament.
Is there anything more demoralizing than spending five years of your life on something, knowing even while you’re doing it that you’re just as unemployable at the end of it, and that you’re going to have to start over?
I only survived as a writer because I had no other skill or talent. What else could I possibly have done? Gotten married? Seriously, that was my only other option. I needed to make it as a freelance writer not only because I wanted to, needed to, succeed in this choice of career, but because it was my only chance of having a life, any life, of my own. I needed to succeed financially because it was the only chance I had of being independent and living life on my terms.
I’d already failed at engineering, walked out on a job at a magazine, and thrown away my college education… it was this or nothing.
So considering all that, I couldn’t really afford to let a couple of rejections affect me. I knew it wasn’t personal, even if it sometimes felt like it.
But you don’t have to throw away that college degree to develop a thick skin. All you have to do is remember that it’s a dialogue and an exchange of ideas. You send one through, and they don’t like it. So what? It’s not like they told me that I could never make it in the business; all they said was that they couldn’t use that particular idea at that particular point in time. And even if they had told me that I sucked and should never email them again, I still don’t think it would have bothered me too much, because hey, we’re always growing, always improving. If I’m a talentless hack today, that doesn’t mean I can’t be a talented pro tomorrow. At least I was a talentless hack who enjoyed the work!
I’ve had conversations, friendships, and lots of advice from editors who’ve rejected my work, because I understood that they weren’t rejecting me. And eventually, most of them did assign.
I think rejections tend to hurt most in three situations:
(1) You’re new and don’t yet know what you’re capable of (which I totally understand having been there, but if you keep sending your work out regardless, you’re past this stage pretty quickly),
(2) it’s work you’re personally invested in, such as personal essays (which can feel like rejections of you as a person), and
(3) when your ego is involved (and it shouldn’t be; it’s just work).
Look, no one wants to hear a “no,” especially when it’s condescending and nasty, but it’s almost never personal. I’ve had some fairly rude rejections over the years, but I know they’re not my problem or my issues. I think maybe the editor’s having a bad day, maybe she just got dumped, maybe she hates her job, maybe she’s stressed and under too much pressure– whatever! All I can do is send the idea elsewhere and decide whether or not it’s worth my while to pitch this editor again.
There are only two productive responses to a rejection, as far as I’m concerned: sending the idea elsewhere immediately, and e-mailing the editor back, either with another idea or a thank you. Then you move on.
Everything else, while understandable, is simply a manifestation of our insecurities.
What do you think? Do you get stressed about rejections? Weigh in with how you react to them.