I received a beautiful email recently from a reader of this blog who is having some confidence issues.
Here’s part of what she wrote:
Following your advice, I started to send queries out. Three a day for a while until I snagged a magazine and managed to get a few credits to my name and some money. I was stoked. I’m still sending out queries but with much more irregularity and much less confidence. There’s the constant feeling that I am not good enough, that I can’t be as successful as you or somebody else. Which is silly really because we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others but remain true to ourselves.
I want to say for the record, for anyone who’s reading and for anyone who will read this in the future: I have SO been there.
It is probably not very apparent because I have a very strong personality, which sometimes gets mistaken for confidence, but even until very recently, I’ve had problems with confidence and self-belief.
I didn’t think I had any talent. I just believed I was hardworking and lucky.
There’s not much advice I can give regarding confidence, because it is something that I struggle with as well. I see this as a good thing though– it will allow me to remain down-to-earth and honest with myself and others no matter how high I go (or don’t go).
However, the only thing I can say is that I have worked through it. However, the only thing I can say is that I have worked through it. I didn’t think my queries would sell. Sent them anyway. I didn’t think an editor would like me. Went and met him anyway. I didn’t think I was good enough to write for Ms. or Marie Claire or Time. Pursued them anyway. I didn’t think a successful and accomplished writer would want to meet me. Emailed and asked anyway.
The more I did, the more confident I’ve become. You do something ninety-nine times, you’re definitely going to have confidence that you can pull it off the hundredth time as well. I feel comfortable meeting editors now only because I’ve been through the sheer agony of those first ten, twenty, thirty meetings.
You know, there was a time when I was writing for small publications, and I felt so unaccomplished and insignificant. There was this one particular week a few years ago when I met a photographer who had written for Marie Claire and a newbie who had written for the New York Times.
A photographer and a newbie had better credentials than I, a professional freelance writer!
But you know, in the long run, it doesn’t matter. Of course I felt like a loser. Of course I felt jealous. I wasn’t above it then, and I don’t think I’m all that above it now. There will always be someone who’s doing better than me, and there will always be someone who isn’t. That will be the case no matter how successful or unsuccessful I am. So I have to learn to deal with it in a productive fashion.
Sometimes the people who are much more successful than you are also complete jerks. You have to deal with that, too.
The truth is that no matter how much I fret, no matter how unfair it is, no matter how much I scream or cry or compare talent, I will only get things in my own time. I am a better writer today than I was six years ago, and that is why I’m getting better and higher-paying assignments. What got me from there to here was practice– writing continuously, honing my skills, developing an eye for good stories, pitching, pitching, pitching.
If I continue doing that, I’m sure I can go higher. If I stop working on my craft, I’ll stay stagnant.
Some of us figure it all out very quickly and get right up there very fast. Others struggle for years. Some of us are slow learners. Others give up. Some of us do it full-time, some part-time. We all have different paths. But I truly believe that we can all get to wherever we want, if we want it bad enough and keep at it. That we have to practice to improve our skills goes without saying.
You write and you write and you write, and one day you realize, you’re actually quite good. You look at past work and see how far you’ve come, you look at past negotiations and laugh at what a pushover you were.
You’re good now because you kept practicing. You kept your eye on the goal and kept working towards it. The problem with most new writers is that they want to know how to sell, how to get better assignments, how to market effectively. They don’t ask how they can become better as writers, researchers, and interviewers. That’s what’s going to get you those high-paying assignments.
My philosophy, and it’s easier said than done, is that I’m only in competition with myself. Every day that I’m better than I was yesterday is a day that is a success.
You are not your credentials. It is important to remember that.