Hi friends,
I have to be honest with you. I was nervous as hell, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and I cried during my morning meditation.
There’s a reason that, until recently, I very rarely did live events.
I’m better at this now. The anxiety only lasts a few hours before the event, not days like it once used to. But there was a time in my career where my mental health and anxiety was so bad that not only could I not have done any live events, I also couldn’t do any TV, radio or podcast interviews or, for that matter, coaching.
I didn’t know if I’d be able to make a coaching call because I didn’t know what state I might have been in the night before. I didn’t know if I would have gone one, two, or three nights without sleep. I couldn’t predict if I’d be depressed or manic or in what was more common for me—a mixed state.
Until I started my business, this wasn’t a problem.
I was a writer, I wrote.
Sometimes I had to be interviewed on media (such as interviews on NPR and ABC News for stories I wrote) and very occasionally, when editors twisted my arm, I said yes. But mostly, even though I’d been approached to be a regular guest on major Indian talk shows, speak on a TEDx stage, and be interviewed for smaller TV stations in the US, until 2018, I mostly turned these invitations and opportunities down.
I’m not saying I wanted to. I’m not saying it was a good idea. I’m not saying it didn’t have an impact on my career.
I’m saying I couldn’t do it.
The price I paid in terms of mental health and lost income afterwards was simply not worth it.
But then, in 2015, I got serious about my business. I also started realizing that if I wanted to achieve the things I said I wanted to achieve with my books (bestseller lists, media attention, huge readership), then I was going to have to get comfortable speaking to large audiences, both live and on camera.
I cannot say I want to be seen and then go into hiding when I am.
Plus, I knew I needed to start thinking about audio and video if I wanted to stay current with my business.
In 2016, I decided to do a free webinar. 200+ people showed up live, my technology crashed, and I freaked the f*ck out.
I realized then that I needed to take baby steps.
This was obviously a tricky area for me, so there was no point throwing myself into the deep end. I took a (rare for me) gentler approach.
I launched a six-week course with recorded one-hour audio trainings.
When that went well, I launched a course with weekly recorded audio trainings PLUS—and this is where I did push myself—daily 3-5 minute recorded videos for 90 days! The course was Finish That Damn Book and while the 12 weeks of audio lessons were structured and planned, the daily videos were off the cuff. I would hit record every day and talk about whatever was on my mind that day.
By the end of 90 days, I was no longer camera shy. In fact, I discovered that I actually really enjoyed it and wanted to do more of it.
This led to video courses, a membership site, a live weekly Q&A, and eventually, group coaching on video.
And, five years after I recorded that first video, I finally feel ready for live events, starting with, yes you guessed it, live workshops.
I had the first one a couple of days ago and I was a nervous wreck all day.
I do group coaching calls all the time now, so I don’t know why this felt different, but maybe because I knew I’d be talking for a whole hour and people would be listening intently, I was panicking.
I also knew logically that it would be absolutely fine.
I’m one of those people who can’t shut up, especially about the subjects that interest me, so I knew that the moment I started talking, I’d get into my flow, really enjoy doing it, and it would be absolutely perfect.
That’s exactly what happened.
The workshop went super well, I’ve already had tons of emails from participants, and I saw this beautiful tweet before I sat down to write today which raised my confidence.
I’m sharing this with you because I want you to understand that sometimes baby steps are all you can take and that this is not only okay, it is how it should be.
Some things will be easier for you than they are for others. Some things will be more difficult.
So many mentors over the years have told me to get over my fear and do it anyway, but this wasn’t simple fear and treating it as such was hurting me.
If you can jump all in with something right away, do it. I’ve done this many times with freelancing, with books, with indie publishing, and it has served me well. But I’m also aware of my vulnerabilities, areas where pushing myself too hard is just a recipe for disaster and I need to take it slow, no matter how many other people might be doing it effortlessly.
And that’s what I want to leave you with today.
Know when to be hard on yourself.
When to go easy.
And when to let it go.
Cheers,
Natasha