Hey everyone,
My son has recently started telling me that he wants to write books, build two businesses (an online one and an offline one selling products), and have some sort of performance-related element to it as well.
I always say, “Of course. Believe in yourself and keep taking positive actions towards those goals and there’s no reason you can’t have all of it.”
I tell him that it’s completely possible to make money, have an impact, and live a decent lifestyle from your creative work and that it is, in fact, easier and gives you more freedom than working for other people.
I can say this to him without being a hypocrite because not only is it something I believe but something I LIVE and when it doesn’t work, something I fight for.
This is as much true for creativity as it is for abundance, independence, and determination. You can preach it as loud as you like, but if you don’t live it, your children will see that you’re lying.
My son doesn’t care how many books I’ve published or sold (though he’s very curious about the process and I honestly share with him my reality, my goals, and my ambitions.) But he does see me writing all the time and understands that to create a book, you must devote time and energy to the process. He understands that it’s often difficult, time-consuming work with no immediate payoff. He’s now written stories of his own and he realizes that if you want to write, you must sit down and keep going until it’s done.
I’ve never taught him any of this. He knows it because he sees it in action.
So many of us like to teach our kids the right things by telling them. We ask them to be creative, not give up, do the hard work, participate in school activities, enjoy playtime, make new friends, all the while modelling to them the exact opposite.
If finding joy in creativity is right for your kid, then why isn’t it also right for you? If believing in themselves is right for your kids, then why aren’t you believing in yourself and showing them how it’s done? You cannot tell your kids to learn what they do not know and then never invest any time or money in learning things that would help you grow in your career.
What is true for your child is also true for you.
I see so many creative people encouraging their kids to take risks, to have fun, to find the positives in their lives, and to keep trying until they succeed, but who practice none of those things themselves.
They preach, but they do not practice.
And when children—who are way smarter than we give them credit for—see this hypocrisy, they pick up on it. They internalize very quickly that what the world tells them to do is different from how they’re truly supposed to be. Because while Mummy says we should all honor our creative pursuits, her paints have been lying unused in the corner for years. The child understands that we should all aspire to be creative but that this is a privilege that his mother doesn’t have—or doesn’t think she has—and therefore, perhaps he shouldn’t have either.
When I was living with an abusive partner in my twenties, one of the key questions that helped me finally kick him out once and for all was this one: “If my best friend was in this position, what is the advice I would give to her right now? What would I suggest as the best course of action for her, just witnessing this from the outside?” I knew the answer, I’d always known the answer. I just, for some reason, didn’t think it applied to me.
I ask the same question now, but instead of thinking about a best friend, I think of my child. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my child, no sacrifice that would be too big, no bus too strong for me to stand in front of. And when I think about what I want most for my child, I am EXCEPTIONALLY clear about what the right advice is to give to him.
I take that advice and I give it to him.
But then I give it to myself as well. And I force myself to implement it.
Because what is true for my son is also true for me.
And if I am to teach him creativity, success, and ambition, then I must learn to first put it into practice myself.
Want to really become who you truly are?
Stop being who you aren’t.
And teach your children to do the same.
Cheers,
Natasha