Hi friends,
My kid came home from school a little mopey the other day, which is not a typical look for him. On digging, I found there had been a science competition that he’d really wanted to win, but he didn’t place. It wasn’t just that he had failed to achieve what he wanted, but that he was feeling envious of those who had.
Hmmm.
I didn’t know what to say to him, of course, because this isn’t something I would have any experience with at all. No, siree, I do not obsessively read Publishers Marketplace, piece together information about other people’s book deals, obsess over what age they were when they sold their first novel, how big their print run was, or whether or not they have children (because we all know it’s harder to write when you have children. Or cats.) I don’t do any of these things. Because that would be neurotic behavior, and we all know I’m not capable of acting like that.
And so if, like me, you do not do any of these things, then here’s what I have to say to you that might help you remain that way:
1. You cannot–CANNOT you hear me?–stack your losses up against other people’s wins. If you’re going to compare, compare your wins to their wins, your losses to their losses. But you cannot make a list of your failures and their accomplishments and call it a fair match. My kid is basically a maths genius but because it’s so easy for him, he doesn’t even register the wins in that area. What comes so easily to you that you fail to give yourself credit for?
2. If you didn’t give it your best shot, give it your best shot next time. If you gave it your best shot, then that’s all you can do, and there is no point worrying about whether it’s enough or not. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it won’t be enough for other people. Just make sure it’s enough for you. And if you gave it your best, it’s enough. You are enough. You, boo, are MORE THAN ENOUGH.
3. You might be sitting here envying them for their science wins and book deals; they might be sitting there envying you for your maths scores and newspaper bylines. Isn’t it all so pointless? Just another way of us collectively feeling shit about ourselves and one another? Let’s not do that anymore.
4. There is no finite amount of success in the world. If they can have it, so can you. Today was their day. Maybe tomorrow will be yours.
5. Don’t measure yourself and your worth by your achievements. Because they will never be enough. Love the work you do; do it to the best of your ability. If you learn to let that be enough, you will remain excited and happy about trying again. If not, you will become bitter. And it’s no fun to live life being bitter.
I’ll see you again tomorrow.
Cheers,
Natasha