Hey everyone,
If you’re not ready to hear something, learn the lesson, or take the action, then no matter how much someone yells in your face that this is the thing that will shift things for you, you’re not going to take it in.
Lessons are all around us. But we’re not always ready for them.
Let me give you an example. Last year, before the pandemic hit, a friend who is an incredibly successful businessperson and whose opinion I value immensely, said to me, sort of offhand, “It’s time to end that then.” He was talking about a professional relationship and I’d been telling him how it was going (not particularly badly). When he simply assumed it was time to end it, he thought I was on the same page. Instead, my reaction was only, “Huh. I’m not sure why you say that.”
Over the year, two more people (one mentor, one husband) told me I needed to cut loose from the situation. “You’re career is at a standstill,” they said. “You’re not being served,” they insisted. “You’re being held back,” they stressed. Did I listen? Yes, I totally did. Did I hear them? No, not really.
Even though I knew they were all correct, logically speaking, I wasn’t emotionally ready to do the difficult thing this decision would require, and so no matter how much they insisted, it didn’t feel good or right for me to do it.
Of course, as you can guess, the situation then blew up in my face, and I ended up being forced into the same decision anyway, but this time as a reaction to events rather than a proactive decision that I made because I valued myself.
I’m being cryptic on purpose since this is a currently ongoing professional situation, but I wanted to talk about it because it isn’t always about doing the right things, it’s also about trusting yourself to do the things that you’re still unsure about. By no means was it guaranteed that this relationship would blow up, but there certainly were signs that the person on the other end was not holding up the standards that I have set for myself and my career. And instead of saying, hey, I don’t have to settle, I don’t have to keep pursuing something I’m not happy with, instead of demanding that I be treated the way I want to be treated, I just let the situation be, not really pushing it either way.
The point is this: You have to be ready to hear the advice, take the actions, and do the work before any of it actually lands for you. The work is not just getting the advice but being open to receiving it. I could give you all the tips in the world around freelancing (and I do) but if you’re convinced that it can’t or won’t work for you, then it won’t.
A instructor, a trainer, a coach, is only one half of the equation.
The other half is you.
They can bring their A-game, their 100% commitment, but if you are not ready to hear what they have to say, it will not work for you. It cannot work for you.
People talk about opening your mind, but it’s more than that. It’s opening your heart. Being willing to be wrong, being willing to be emotionally vulnerable, being willing to have your worldview flipped upside down. That’s what most a-ha moments are, and you can’t have them if you close yourself to the possibility.
Now, sitting here, with a professional relationship ending, I actually feel more excited about my career and my prospects than I have in years. I was forced into acceptance, and you know what, everyone who advised me was right. The view is a lot brighter and happier on this other side. But I couldn’t have seen across the wall a year ago. And being willing– and able– to trust the other side of the wall, is sometimes the hardest work of all.
Cheers,
Natasha