Hey everyone,
I had a dream the other night that there was a story going viral, titled, “Authors Who Fail at Everything,” and my name was on that list. Sam walked in just as I was waking up and asked why I was smiling. I told him about the dream and said, “They’re calling me an author now. That’s a step forward, right?”
So, this should probably tell you how I’ve been feeling lately.
I’m sometimes surprised when people ask me for publishing help. With freelancing, I’m a pitching beast. I have helped writers achieve things they didn’t think themselves capable of, break into publications they could only dream of, build careers they only thought to look at from afar. I own that.
But publishing? Nah, I haven’t cracked that code. Not yet.
Truth?
I feel like I’ve done nothing but fail for the last six years.
I believe my novels are excellent and I don’t doubt that because I have professionals on my team who won’t let me get away with shortcuts and who are more than happy to send me straight back to the beginning when things aren’t right. I believe my books for writers are excellent; I get emails about them all the time.
I think of the hundreds of students who’ve come through my courses over the years. I can’t think of a single one who isn’t talented, who doesn’t know how to write, who doesn’t have the motivation to succeed. But not all have follow-through.
People come into my courses all the time wanting to write for The New York Times but never once sending a pitch to The New York Times.
That’s me in publishing, sometimes. Wanting to succeed without doing some of the basic work of promotion and audience building.
I’m not being hard on myself. I’m pointing out the truth.
To succeed in freelancing, you need to come up with ideas + pitch the heck out of them.
To succeed in publishing, you need to write books + publish them + build an audience + promote the heck out of them.
I only focus on the first step, the writing, especially when it comes to my indie books. With traditional, I’ve gone as far as getting to the agent stage, but not much beyond that.
So I’m excellent at writing, I believe, and so far, quite shit at the publishing.
It won’t change for me until I acknowledge and fix it.
It won’t change for you until you acknowledge and fix it.
Sometimes that involves decisions that are super uncomfortable and putting yourself out there in ways that make you feel extremely vulnerable. This is something I’m beginning to do, as you will start seeing on my social media, specifically on Instagram.
Thankfully, we’re part of a community that allows us to support each other and hold one another accountable.
I’m struggling with the book proposal at the moment. I have two chapters to go and I keep putting them off. I attributed this to mind fog or exhaustion or the lack of time and focus due to our current lockdown homeschooling routine and some personal bad news, all of which are real and pressing challenges. But, in my case right now, they’re not the complete truth.
I’ve realized that what I’m struggling with is something I see in my students and coaching clients all the time, and something I tell them to be very aware of. I am reaching the end of the project and the knowledge that once it is done it will be time to send it out looms large. Then, there will be no hiding. So I’m hiding now. Pre-emptive hiding.
Acknowledging it is the first step, so here I am, acknowledging it. Hey, just because I know the psychological tricks my mind plays doesn’t mean that I’m immune to them.
The next step, of course, is pushing aside the fears and doing the work regardless. Do it afraid. I’ve always believed in doing it afraid. I’ve always done it afraid.
So, that’s what I need to do now. Get over my own insecurities and just show up for the work.
If you see me on social media, I give you permission to yell at me and send me back to my chapters.
In the meantime, don’t forget to think about how you’re hiding from your own creative demons and why you might want to push them aside and get going with your work regardless.
Cheers,
Natasha