I’m the sort of person that when told to stop and smell the roses will ask, how many roses per day? When you look at me quizzically and say, um, I don’t know, three, I’ll make a note in my to-do list to smell three roses every day. And then I’ll do it because I’m a weird person who is completely dependent on her lists.
This is just who I am and I tell you this today because I’ve tried to change myself to less weird, less crazy, less ambitious versions of myself over the years and all that has done is make me dissatisfied and ashamed of the obsessive rose-counting person that I truly am.
Lately, though, I’ve been less judgmental of myself. Instead of working against myself, I’ve started to understand who I am and how I work and arrange my life according to those quirks.
Some of us are morning people, some of us are night owls. I am a night owl who has tried, unsuccessfully, to be a bright and energetic morning person but it never lasts long. So I’ve accepted that fact about myself and started figuring out how to work around it. I am also someone who works ridiculously well (and fast) under pressure, which means that leaving a 2,000-word assignment until the last week actually makes me efficient and productive. On occasions when I’ve tried to finish my assignments weeks in advance, it just ends up taking more time and being a lot harder than it needs to be. I know that I should send in my assignments a few days early and that this would make my editors love me more (as if that’s possible!) but I don’t. I send in my work on the day of the deadline at 11.59 p.m. Either my editors haven’t noticed this or they just don’t care, but either way it keeps me happy and my editors still get the work on time.
Some of us are plotters, some of us are pantsers.
Some of us like talking about our work in progress, some of us don’t.
Some of us get dressed every day to write, some of us like to sit in bed in our pajamas.
I’ve been noticing lately on Twitter and Facebook how much antagonism many writers have towards one other and how judgmental we are of each other’s choices. Some traditionally-published authors still (and this surprises me immensely) stick up their noses at indie authors as if all indie authors were inferior to them.
On Facebook earlier this week, writers were debating whether one should write for passion or profit. People like me who write for a living, were termed “mercenary” by people who felt exalted in their “passion.”
Here’s the thing, though. There is no should in writing. There is only what works for you.
I’ve never much cared for the judgment of others, but I notice frequently how much I judge myself. And that’s just as bad because by trying to change who we are, especially because of someone else’s criticism, we end up being ineffective and unproductive. I’m beginning to learn to accept the ways in which I work and then modify them to make sure I remain productive, professional, and most of all, true to myself.
I may count the roses, but as long as I continue to make time in my day to smell them, maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.
What part of your writer self are you constantly trying to change and why? Would you be better off saying exactly as you are?