I’ve seen it happen repeatedly, something called the domino effect, that is, when one person in a group elevates themselves to a higher level in their writing career, the rest of the group tends to as well. You knock down an obstacle and your friends start knocking it down as well.
I noticed this when I first got published in Time magazine. One by one, I saw friends, acquaintances, and at least a dozen of my blog readers getting published in the magazine, too. I chalked it down to the fact that most of them hadn’t known that Time could be a viable market and that my success had spurred them on to try. But it happened again. This time a friend of mine from Berkeley broke into The New York Times, and just like that, after talking about it for years, I broke in too. Then more of our common friends started getting published there. When I got an agent, unknown to me, a couple of my friends started pitching and got their own agents.. When I started turning down offers, it turned out, my friends were doing so, too.
I have a few theories on this, but I think the most important one is that as friends, we motivate each other, and we encourage and inspire each other to aim higher, think bigger. When one of us refuses to accept a four-figure or low five-figure book deal, it makes us all, as a collective, realize that we’re better than that. When one of us says “No” the rest of us get permission to say No, too. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. When one of us accepts a bad deal, lets an editor or agent take advantage of us, or falls prey to a scam, we sink the level of the collective, because we’re saying, basically, that it’s okay to accept, say $2,000 for writing a book, and because our friends form our community, they start thinking it’s okay, too.
My point? Choose your writing friends carefully. Be careful about what you read and whose advice you allow to seep in. The blogs you read, the online message boards you hang out on, the Facebook groups you sign on to, are all part of your writerly identity. They’re forming your consciousness and world view as a writer. Whether you stand up for yourself and demand more or take low offers that you can barely survive on will come down to the collective wisdom of your peers.
I try, more than ever before, to surround myself with people I can respect, people who can push me beyond my capabilities, who see the opportunities in failures, and who chastize and berate me for accepting anything less than they think I’m worth. That’s why, in part, I believe I have a good career and will continue on the path to achieving a great one.
Have you been taking note of the company you keep?